Any man, married or not, knows the subjects of women and weight should never be discussed in the same sentence unless one has a personal death wish. But I think my experiences over the last month warrant an exception to the rule. My wife’s so-far successful adventure into one of the trendy diets of the day has brought a few smiles in recent weeks and probably will be the source of laughs over time.
For the sake of background, the Whole 30 diet has been introduced into our lives. The idea is that for 30 days you eliminate all sugar from the diet, in all forms. That means breads, condiments, anything containing a trace of sugar. The cleansing affect on your body is supposed to lead toward overall better health. Based on my wife’s overall feelings of wellbeing half way through, I think it appears to work at some level.
The process of doing this is extreme. For my wife, the hardest thing has been coffee. For years, in our house, the day didn’t start without the stuff. I have probably worn out a set of tires going to the grocery store for the essential supplies.
She refuses it without cream, so, therefore, it is off limits under the Whole 30 plan. I frankly thought that would have been her breaking point, but she has overcome that temptation. Sugar-free apple cider in the morning has apparently gotten her through.
Like any good husband, I have followed my wife’s plans while I’m at home. As they say about Las Vegas, what happens at the Western Sizzlin’ at lunch stays at the Western Sizzlin’. I did fall off the wagon and put a Coke in the corner of the refrigerator. Call it an addiction if you will, but that sugar-filled pop in the mouth is hard to give up for me.
So, at night, I have eaten meat, potatoes, nuts and other proteins as instructed by the supreme diet leader. Gone are potato chips, ice cream and anything else with the taste of sugar in it.
As supportive as I have tried to be, I drew the line at something called Ghee. That is a weird butter-like substance. If I don’t understand something, I generally don’t eat it, so no Ghee for me.
I also refuse organic ketchup. I have a theory about the organic movement being a giant marketing scam anyway, but that is another story for another day, or column. I just know since Feb. 1 I have eaten something called organic sugar. Maybe an organic expert can explain to me sometime how a product from a natural plant is not organic in the first place.
This organic ketchup resembles the mixed blend of food colors we would mix on Easter just to see how ugly we could make our eggs. It’s just wrong to ruin a perfectly good French fry with that on its end. I certainly won’t discolor a bright red Brightleaf hot dog with it.
Another no no for me is something called “dump” ranch salad dressing. My wife was proud of this concoction supposedly tasting like the real thing, but to me, the word dump doesn’t belong in front of something I am going to put in my mouth on purpose. That was easy for me, I don’t share the love of regular ranch dressing like my granddaughter does. If given the chance, she’d practically drink the stuff. I would just as soon leave it alone.
Now, we are preparing to enter the second half of our month of Whole 30. I am proud of my wife’s discipline so far, I should have been more like her. Tom Woerner is a reporter with The Daily Record. Reach him at 910-2302038 or email@example.com