Just take a knee, Dad


For those of you who told me they missed my column last week, let me just say, thanks very much to the both of you.

Last week got the best of me as I found myself scrambling to meet tax deadlines and trying to overcome the careless and lazy mistakes that seems to plague me year after year. I even got a bit cynical at one point deciding I would rather clean toilets with a toothbrush then continue to be chained to a desk another day.

Now, needless to say, Cynical Jimmy is not exactly pleasant to be around as my mother and family can tell you. I’m not a fan of Cynical Jimmy myself, but sometimes I cannot keep him contained.

On those few occasions when Cynical Jimmy gets the best of me, my mom has always been ready with her favorite quote to stifle Cynical Jimmy, “You need to get your butt back in church.”

Oh yes, I have heard that more than a few times in my life when Cynical Jimmy didn’t exactly live up to the standards of a child raised by my mother.

Well, even Cynical Jimmy could not argue with my mother’s logic, so this past Sunday I took my butt to church and had a wonderful time. Feeling better for going as my good friend, Tim, promised I would.

Don’t get me wrong, my mother isn’t the only one who has smackdown quotes for Cynical Jimmy. My wife likes to look at me and say, “I’m trying to have a conversation with you.”

For those of you who don’t know, Cynical Jimmy is very quiet and withdrawn acting like the typical Martian who retreats to his cave whenever frustration sets in.

My daughter, Sarah, has very little patience with Cynical Jimmy and has created her own clever quote to deal with him.

A few days ago, when Sarah I were out at a local store, she ran into a friend that I assumed was a female, but admittedly I wasn’t sure. Now, Happy-Go-Lucky Jimmy would have probably just let this go, but Cynical Jimmy had to know. “What was that?”

After several minutes of trying to explain to me that her friend did not identify as male or female, Sarah lost all hope and used some football language to set Cynical Jimmy straight. “This conversation is over, now get into the victory formation and take a knee, Dad.”

Never before have I been told to take a knee, but there were times last week when Cynical Jimmy was ready to take a knee and rob Happy-Go-Lucky Jimmy of everything.

No matter how often Cynical Jimmy may wish to take a knee, this week, come Saturday, Happy-Go-Lucky Jimmy will be attending the Kiss concert in Greensboro with Happy-Go-Lucky Sarah.

Happy-Go-Lucky Jimmy and Sarah wanted the best and we will get the best, the hottest band in the world — Kiss.

Jimmy Parker lives in Erwin. Contact him at jimmyprmg@gmail.com.


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