Early this morning like every morning, while I enjoyed my morning cup of coffee, I grabbed my phone and scanned my favorite alternative news website to search for entertaining news stories to share with my friends and loyal readers. This morning I was shocked to read a very troubling story about Briton’s Prince Harry and his Eco anxiety that sometimes makes it difficult for him to get out of the bed some mornings. I had no idea Harry was so troubled, and I hope he knows that he is not alone.
Harry, when it comes to getting out of bed some mornings, I can certainly feel your pain. Many mornings I awake and wonder how can I pry myself out of this bed today? The mornings after I have mowed several lawns the day before are the worst, but the world is counting on you Harry, so you must power through. I know it must be tough living in a damp castle surrounded by servants, a beautiful wife, and all the money you will ever need, but please Harry rise from that bed and save us from this climate emergency.
Harry, I’m sorry I haven’t been on board until now but up until this point I have been consumed with helping my wife pay bills, taking care of my mother and consuming red meat. I hate to admit this Harry, but sometimes in my sleep I think I hear the dog relieving himself on the dining room rug and worry about whether I can make it to the coffee pot in the morning without stepping in it. I have been so shallow, Harry, but starting today I’m asking you to turn off the air conditioner in the castle and park the private jet before your next getaway to Elton John’s private Island.
As for me, I’m going to do my part to educate as many people as possible about the mental illness of climate hysteria in the hopes that you people finally get the help you need. Harry, my friend, if mother earth is warming there isn’t a human being on planet earth that can stop it, but the world is full of human beings who will capitalize on your fear to rob you of your hard-earned tax dollars, your freedom and unfortunately your sanity.
Harry, just look across the pond at America to see firsthand what the American taxpayer has sacrificed in the name of climate change. For starters, we have a massive federal debt, lawn mower gas cans that we can’t use, automobiles that cut off at traffic lights and corn syrup in the gasoline we burn. We have been robbed of trillions of dollars over the course of 50 years to solve a problem that never gets solved. You see, Harry, politicians are not in the problem-solving business, politicians are in the crisis management business and because of people like you business has never been better.
Jimmy Parker lives in Erwin. Contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org.